Madonna is said to be writing and directing a new film about Wallis Warfield Simpson. Wallis was the American divorcee who in 1936 winkled King Edward VIII into abdicating the entire British throne (including the title of Emperor of India, in those days) to marry her.
The Guardian turns the news into a tart commentary on Madonna’s film career to date:
Her Eva Perón was the least bearable Eva Perón in history, which is really saying something. And her dreadful, stilted 20-second cameo in Die Another Day was enough to spook the 007 producers into completely overhauling the entire James Bond franchise.
The promise of a historical drama written by the woman responsible for the immortal couplet “I like to singy singy singy/ Like a bird on a wingy wingy wingy” can’t fill too many people with enthusiasm. Nor, for that matter, can the prospect of a film about a seminal moment in the history of the British monarchy directed by a woman whose own British accent sounds like Dick Van Dyke choking to death on a pair of bootstrings.
Well, the Brits are still touchy about the whole crazy affair, after all. Not to mention about Dick Van Dyke — who, by the way, might have made an excellent Edward VIII in his day, with Julie Andrews (natch) as Wallis Simpson. Which would you prefer: