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Punxsutawney Phil to Earth: Drop Dead

Four guys in top hats hold up an uncomfortable-looking groundhog as the crowd cheers

Punxsutawney Phil, the rogue rodent with the bad attitude and the power of deep freeze in his paw, has decided to stick it to the rest of the world. He cursed us all to six more weeks of winter this morning, then returned to his snug den to sleep in warm, dry comfort until April.

Not before dropping a very strange rap:

A Super Bowl winner I will not predict,
But my weather forecast you cannot contradict
That’s not a football lying beside me
It’s my shadow you see
So, six more weeks of winter shall it be!

It’s not enough to ruin our spring and leave; this power-mad little Napoleon has to give with the lame doggerel as well. Note to Phil: “Is that a football lying beside you, or are you just calling for six more weeks for winter?” has a looong way to go before it replaces “Is that a gun in your pocket?” 

The perpetrator.

Not that he cares. A more honest version of his “poem” would be:

Phil to world: drop dead
Now I’m going back to bed
Enjoy your ice and snow
And tell these tophat freaks to let me go
Or you’ll be freezing [groundhog expletive deleted] ’till August instead.
Thanks for nothing, Phil.
 

 

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