Pope Benedict XVI flies off to Castelo Gandolfo late this afternoon, where at 8 pm he will officially become the ex-pontiff. According to reports in the notoriously accurate Italian press, these will be his final acts before leaving the Vatican.
- Pack electric toothbrush.
- Shake the hands of all Vatican butlers who didn’t leak secret documents to the press.
- Hand over “Toes of the Fisherman” slippers to be solemnly destroyed by College of Cardinals.
- Secretly burn the vintage collection of German MAD magazines he’s had hidden under the mattress all these years.
- Open balcony doors to St. Peter’s Square, dash out for three seconds in undershirt, dash back inside.
- Sneak priceless Titian sketch into duffel bag.
Sounds like a full day. Good luck to him in retirement.
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