The Who2 Blog

Jeb Bush’s Secret 7-Point Plan to Save His Campaign

[pt id=’87070′ size=’full’ link=’post’ class=’aligncenter’]Jeb Bush has a secret six-point plan to save his presidential campaign, according to the New York Times.

With respect to the news-gathering abilities of the Times, they grabbed the wrong list. We have uncovered Jeb Bush’s actual strategy — a 7-point plan to save his campaign.

Any one of these items would give him a boost, but together they should be enough to push him over the top. The full plan:

  1. Change Jeb! exclamation point to semicolon.
  2. Lure Al Gore into the race.
  3. At end of every speech, flash his Confederate flag tramp stamp.
  4. In Pope Francis-like gesture, humbly wash and kiss the feet of Sheldon Adelson.
  5. Pledge to prosecute George W. Bush for war crimes.
  6. Go on Running Wild with Bear Grylls and drink his own urine.
  7. Open-carry twin pearl-handled revolvers; begin every policy statement with Yosemite Sam dance while firing pistols into the air.

That should do it!

See our full biography of Jeb Bush »

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