With respect to the news-gathering abilities of the Times, they grabbed the wrong list. We have uncovered Jeb Bush’s actual strategy — a 7-point plan to save his campaign.
Any one of these items would give him a boost, but together they should be enough to push him over the top. The full plan:
- Change Jeb! exclamation point to semicolon.
- Lure Al Gore into the race.
- At end of every speech, flash his Confederate flag tramp stamp.
- In Pope Francis-like gesture, humbly wash and kiss the feet of Sheldon Adelson.
- Pledge to prosecute George W. Bush for war crimes.
- Go on Running Wild with Bear Grylls and drink his own urine.
- Open-carry twin pearl-handled revolvers; begin every policy statement with Yosemite Sam dance while firing pistols into the air.
That should do it!
See our full biography of Jeb Bush »