Rather than look back on the Best or Worst of The Aughts or The Zeroes or the Two-thousands, we thought we’d look ahead to some predictions for 2010.
Where to begin?
We could start with Sean David Morton, sometime guest of Art Bell‘s old Coast to Coast radio show. His list of predictions — that is, his Spiritual Teleseminar — requires registration, which is a drag. But he has a white cat on his shoulder, which gives him some credibility in the prediction game.
Or how about a political prediction from that old sage the Wall Street Journal? They say the United States will split up. Maybe that’s just wishful thinking on their part.
Newsweek offers a list of Ten Predictions for 2010, but they seem pretty tepid.
“Someone dies on reality TV,” for example, doesn’t earn a gasp, it earns a “didn’t that already happen?” Among their other predictions: the people on Lost will stay on the island (even though at this point most viewers are perfectly happy to leave Naveen, Matthew and Evangeline behind).
Oh, and they say Stephenie Meyer will make America “love” zombies. And Tareq and Michaele Salahi will get their own television show. Darn it.
Maybe Oscar predictions are more your speed. How about Morgan Freeman as Nelson Mandela, as directed by Clint Eastwood? Does that smell like Oscar all over?
Moviefone includes that one along with this list of other Oscar predictions.
If television is more your thing, how about this list from the L.A. Times, which predicts “Jay Leno will be gone from prime time.” Prime time is a concept from back in the day. Jay Leno is a comedian from back in the day.
High tech predictions aren’t any more exciting, judging from this typical list, which includes such stunners as “Chrome replaces Firefox” and “Facebook does a redesign and people don’t like it.”
Such dull predictions make us wish we’d registered with the guy with the white cat.
The two psychics we checked with had much more fascinating predictions than the mainstream media. Craig Hamilton-Parker, for example, predicts the death of “Bin Laden,” which could very well mean Osama Bin Laden.
Unfortunately, his predictions also include “”Secret human cloning experiment attempts to clone famous person.” That doesn’t sound so good (especially on the heels of Bin Laden’s death), but it also sounds like little cause for concern for 2010. After all, if it’s a secret experiment, we won’t be hearing about it.
Finally, we’re most encouraged by the predictions of Sylvia Browne, which include “Japanese bullet train terrorist attack attempt is foiled” (yay!) and “Heat will cure the common cold” (double yay!).
Here’s looking forward to a warm, virus-free 2010, when bullet trains are safe and Jay Leno can find work on the Salahis’ TV show.